Top 3 keys to loving yourself unconditionally
“Love yourself first because this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with” – Paulo Coelho
Learn to love yourself without any limits! Decide today that from now on, you will love yourself despite any flaws you think you have. I know from firsthand experience how easy it is to go on a downward spiral and start judging yourself for anything you don’t like about yourself. I’m here to tell you that you do not need a perfect body type that matches the media, and you don’t need the same facial features as every celebrity you look up to. You can define your beauty even with crooked teeth, lazy eyes, a non-flat tummy, small boobs, etc. God made no mistakes when creating you!
Also, you can embrace who you are & how you look today while still developing yourself & working toward how you want to look, act, and feel in the future! If you have a hard time loving and accepting the parts of yourself that are different from others, you are in the right place because today, I will be going over tips on how to develop self-love inside & out so you can move confidently in this world!
Key 1:” FORTIFY YOUR MINDS!”- Wong from Dr. Strange’s Multiverse of madness movie
I love Marvel Universe, so I’ve seen Dr. Strange’s newest movie in 3D and via Disney Plus. One of my favorite scenes is during the fight with the villain (IYKYK) …Sorcerer Supreme Wong yells at his team to “FORTIFY YOUR MINDS!” in hopes of preventing the team from becoming susceptible to letting the enemy get in their head. When I first heard him say this in my head, I screamed EXACTLY! We each have the power to strengthen our minds from negative attacks sent externally and internally. We can choose to disestablish previous negative thought patterns by introducing new concepts to them via affirmations, what content we listen to, and the way we talk to ourselves.
Have you ever had your emotions invalidated by a loved one, or did you grow up only hearing criticisms about your work ethic, your abilities, and how you look? Humans tend to live in willful ignorance or denial when we don’t acknowledge how the negative things that happened to us have shaped who we are and what we think about ourselves. So let’s review ways to take ownership of our thoughts and fortify our minds!
In another blog post, 3 Tips to align your wants with the universe, I referenced a great tool, The Soul Fast workbook by Cassandra Mack, for detoxing your brain, and the journal prompts can help you get to the root of what is causing you to have a negative perception of yourself. This workbook is essential to dig deep, pulling those negative roots out, and releasing them from your brain!
Feel free to read that post or click here for the direct link to order from Bookshop.org & get it on your doorstep quickly!
Now that you have acknowledged the experiences that made you feel negative about yourself. It’s time to replace those thoughts with positive affirmations! When I started using affirmations, I struggled with believing in what I was saying and had difficulty committing to saying them regularly w/o feeling silly. So, I researched different avenues to get affirmations, and I found another workbook by Cassandra Mack called Speaking Life Into Your I Am: Bible-Based Affirmations To Break Your Limitations & Activate Authentic Self-Esteem. This workbook is helpful for those of us who have difficulty putting what we want to say in spoken and written format. (I know this is coming from me as a content writer, but I have struggles and doubts too! If anything, the fact that I bought this book in May 2020, used it to help me affirm myself, and now am the owner and author of a personal development blog should tell you something about the power of affirmations and the great wonders this book can do for you!)
Here is a screenshot example of the Chapter called I am Brave , she has a scripture that affirms this saying. Then she talks about why this is true , and she makes the affirmation personal to you by having you fill your name in the blank space of the saying in written and spoken form. As shown in the next image below.
In this screenshot there is the affirmation, I, Brittany, AM brave. I, Brittany , AM already endowed with boldness and bravery. Then at the end she has a short prayer you can choose to pray to God about this affirmation.
We know that writing down anything makes it real, and words spoken out loud are manifestations, so doing this repeatedly tells your brain new thoughts and shows the universe you are ready to show up confidently!
-Another way to fortify your mind is to follow people who look like you on social media. For example, if you have a pear-glass shape, follow models who are being promoted as sexy and beautiful in a pear-glass body type. If you struggle to embrace your smile due to needing braces, follow people with similar teeth so you can see that it is normal and acceptable not to have perfectly aligned teeth. If you loathe your hair type, why not follow and support people who look like you and have the same hair type as you? YOU control YOUR social media. Make social media work for you, not against you.
Key 2: Embrace your body type & style
Everybody can look and feel gorgeous if they have learned to love themselves without the approval of others. This is easier said than done due to the human desire to validate our appearance. We can combat this by validating ourselves! We all know the saying, “Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it!” While initially, it may feel inauthentic, this is a great stepping stone to embracing yourself. But I recommend actions that make you feel good so you aren’t stuck in that fake-it part for too much longer. In my post, Five ways to take care of yourself, I describe my activities regularly to make myself feel good. It can be a good reference tool for when you need some self-love!
Sometimes we don’t like our bodies because we don’t know how to dress for our body type or we have outdated clothes that no longer match who we are. It’s a good idea to take some time going through your closet and trying on items to see what fits and is still in your style range. I love to put on music & pretend I’m modeling at a fashion show in front of my full-length mirror! It makes it fun and less of a daunting task. Then you can gather your unwanted clothes and sell them to one of my favorite consignment stores, Clothes Mentor and make some extra money! If you don’t have a Clothes Mentor near you, there are other local consignment stores you can look up in your area.
Also, Clothes Mentor offers to donate the clothes they don’t want to purchase to a local charity. Not only have you decluttered your wardrobe and made some money, but you also did a good deed in your community! What a winning scenario! You can then shop in their store and find items you like and styles you want to try but at a lower cost. This helps because, eventually, when you want to pay for more quality long lasting pieces, you will know which styles work best for you. Dressing for your body type will have you looking and feeling like a million bucks, even if you got your clothes from a thrift store! Cues the song I look Good by O.T Genesis ( for all the believers in Christ that don’t listen to secular music.. there is a clean version of the song)
Key 3: Only you can validate you
Learning how to spend time with yourself can be beneficial in various ways. Doing activities solo dolo helps you reflect on what you like and not rely on others’ input to validate your likes. As humans, we thrive off external validation, but we must ensure that in the absence of others’ praise and support, we can have a vessel within that we can utilize to validate ourselves when needed. You will become more in the habit of validating what you consider fun and exciting so when others compliment or agree with you... you will already be complete, and it will be more like the cherry on top of a Chick Fil A milkshake (I’d like a LARGE vanilla extra whipped cream, please)
This is good practice because you can also use this vessel/well to get energy when you hear negative and unflattering comments from others… don’t put too much importance on what others say about you & what you view as fun because only you know yourself. Of course, if your loved ones and trusted circle have suggestions on things you can do better and how to be safe, it is good to have an open mind and listen. But even then, you must filter that information through what you know about yourself. Below is a tip on how to spend time with yourself and find what activities you would like to do on your own without others’ input!
Make a list of 3 activities you like to do…
Activity from your childhood
An activity from when you were a teenager or young adult
An activity that you recently discovered in the last two years that you want to explore more of
An example could be if you are of age and love tasting new wines, you can look up local wineries and plan a solo day trip visiting them! Or find a wine club subscription and start trying the different flavors! Another example could be one thing you loved when you were a kid, like roller skating, go-cart racing, playing mancala, and figuring out how you can recreate/incorporate those fun moments from your childhood today. You can empower yourself and look up Frankie’s Fun Park, a local skating rink, or shop at a local store for a Mancala set.
I grew up reading Archie comics and recently found a used comic bookstore that had the original $2.99 comics. Now they are much higher at grocery stores, so this made my inner child very happy!
After doing each of these tips and finally embracing yourself fully as the wonderful, beautiful human you are... you will be SELF-Validated! Early Congrats on your self-love journey!
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