Mindset Shift: We choose how we view our Experiences
Do you prefer listening over reading? If so, this post is available on Spotify for listening to the audio version.
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
Lately, I’ve been evaluating how intentional I have been about what information I read and listen to on social media and whether those sources are beneficial to my mental health in the long term. Sometimes, we can subconsciously take on a narrative that we conclude for ourselves based on how we choose to frame our experiences or how others frame their experiences, and we take on that projection.
I have been thinking about these things heavily this year. I invite everybody to pledge to ourselves that we will be more mindful of what we believe about ourselves, our capabilities, and our possibilities for the future. We cannot afford to continuously run on hostile or dismissive programming because if we do, at the end of our lives, we will regret not taking chances on love, building our soul tribe, and our dreams. Sometimes, we can even self-sabotage opportunities and create situations that fit our narratives running in the background of our minds.
Usually, when a revelation comes about in an area where I need to practice self-awareness, the universe provides several moments of synchronicity in seemingly unrelated topics, and the overlaying message I receive feels directed at me and what I’m working on.
I want to highlight some mindset shift lessons we can all utilize from watching the latest Shannon Sharpe and Amanda Seales YouTube interview.
Let go and Let God!
Amanda Seales’s interview, in which she talked about her experiences in different spaces over her lifetime, was relatable. Identifying safe people and spaces where you are accepted, not tolerated, is integral to our adult journey. When we find ourselves in situations where we are wronged or feel uncomfortable due to not being perceived fully, We can acknowledge our hurts but must move on for our sanity. If people in specific spaces not meant for you are affecting your income, like in Amanda’s case, the ideal route would be to sue for slander. Addressing her issues with others isn’t the problem, but continuing to use her possible marketing opportunities to address the same issues can cause her audience to be exasperated. I’m all for addressing and clarifying your situations, but I don’t feel that harping on my side of things is productive for my mental well-being.
“Your mental well-being is an inside job.” — Cassandra Mack.
If she chooses not to sue, then we must know that missed opportunities due to slander/gossip were never meant to be ours in the first place. God will replace them with something better suited for your talents, skills, and personality. In the meantime, it’s always good to reflect and look for the lesson in outcomes, significantly when we are negatively affected.
One theme I noticed from listening to Amanda’s interview is the theme of not letting go. She seems to have a hard time doing this, and I believe that she wouldn’t feel so stuck and view things in victim mode if she allowed herself to create an identity outside of her negative experiences. Karma will come for anybody with ill intentions, and there is peace.
I would have loved for her to talk more about her positive experiences with her gymnast coach, activities she and her mom like doing together, and how she prepared for her first comedy gig in front of a live audience. If she had related to her Insecure TV character, what possible storyline she would have liked to see for her character? Also, I don’t remember her discussing in detail what her next book was about. I have her first book, Small Doses, by Amanda Seales, and I enjoyed it. I hope she gets another opportunity to discuss her platform, why she raises awareness about global issues, and what book she recently read and enjoyed.
Reframing our mindset of others’ opinions
What I’ve learned in my life is that other people’s projections have nothing to do with you. People will look at how you present yourself and decide not to like you. We have to keep moving on.
People will hear about an issue you had with someone else and take on their side without having any interactions with you. And yet, we have to keep moving forward.
People will claim to be neutral but abandon their morals and values to appease a group leader, even if that means harming another person. Once those people show us who they are, we still have to move forward with the acknowledgment that those “neutral” people are NOT our people.
When these moments happen, we have a fantastic opportunity to soothe our inner feelings, validate ourselves, and take responsibility for remaining mindful of what and who we allow to stay in our energy field.
Building your toolset of activities that uplift you after those draining situations will help tremendously because sometimes, we can dwell on the negatives when there are always positives to focus on.
In Amanda’s case, I would look at how she might have reached a new audience by playing that role in the TV show Insecure and gotten more experience to add to her actress resume. She can focus on that and discuss in future interviews if she wants to expand and do a comedy movie, a Marvel movie, or even be a part of the House of Dragon series since she mentioned Game of Thrones. (I’m not sure where she wants to go next in her career due to her not elaborating on that during the THREE-hour interview)
I agree with her wanting to shed light on the negatives of her experience backstage on the set of Insecure; I just would have preferred her to talk about a mix of the good and the bad. This way, she can reflect on that experience fully and not just contemplate how she was wronged. This can help reflect on that situation out of that victim mindset as well.
Protecting your peace of mind
Sometimes, the majority is the majority because they follow the established rules. If you want to be in those spaces, there is almost a prerequisite: mask your thoughts, opinions, and sometimes your values to assimilate with the group. I can’t entirely agree with this because it breeds inauthenticity and distrust. How can you trust others who only like you when you show up dishonestly? You can’t. Unfortunately, that is what specific spaces thrive on.
When hearing Amanda talk at length about how she isn’t accepted or acknowledged by elite spaces in Hollywood, I believed that Amanda should try to make peace with the fact that she doesn’t fit in the crowd instead of attempting to bulldoze her way in. I know from firsthand experience that it is easier said than done, but for her betterment, she can focus on herself and her purpose instead. In many ways, rejection is protection. As we see in real-time in the allegations against Diddy … a lot of those rules required for you to fit in are just enabling bad behavior.
Unpopular opinion: I agreed with Amanda’s decision not to listen to the PR person’s point of view after she had already been kicked out of the Black Hollywood party. To me, this is a masterclass in protecting your peace. It takes an emotionally intelligent person to recognize when someone is trying to bait you into an argument without a desire for a resolution — engaging in bad-faith tactics.
Why listen to someone state the reasons they feel justified for harming you mentally and physically? Wouldn’t that conversation be better suited BEFORE you start treating someone out of pocket? I’m unsure how willing I would be to speak with someone who maliciously had me mishandled like that in public.
I question the emotional maturity of others when there’s a desire to react against someone without first approaching them with your issue. In the past, I have acted this way, engaging in tactics like silent treatment instead of communicating with a friend first about why I was hurt. After learning my lesson about losing a friendship, I had to self-reflect and hold myself accountable for why I didn’t have faith in our friendship and confidence in my ability to handle the conflict peacefully without going that route. Sometimes, doing this is hard, but it is SO helpful in the long run because you can empower yourself to do better in the future.
Reflect in Solitude
Questions to ask ourselves after a negative experience:
What could we have done differently in this scenario?
Why was I inserting myself in this space where I’m not wanted or valued?
If I know my WHY and am okay with my why, why am I not at peace with the outcome? (Have I weighed the pros and cons of why I am in this environment?)
*For example, If I’m not being accepted in a community surrounding a hobby I am learning, does this mean I will stop learning the hobby or focus only on gaining the skill, but less on making friends)
Are there feelings I need to write about, cry out about, vent to a loved one about, or work with a specialist about that I am not acknowledging and instead focusing on my anger?
We know that anger is a secondary emotion. When we feel it, it’s a good thing because it alerts us that something is wrong in a situation, and it’s time to identify what that is and determine the next course of action.
Sometimes, the next course of action looks like initiating a conversation to address an issue, setting boundaries for us, or removing ourselves from an environment not suited to our needs with our heads held high.
A big part of reflecting on our actions is accepting that we are human and make mistakes. We are never going to be perfect, handle every scenario in the right way, or always have a grasp of our emotions. Reflection time should be when we acknowledge our human nature and remove shame, guilt, and blame from the process. Otherwise, we won’t be able to see clearly what we did wrong and how we can navigate similar scenarios in the future healthier.
Overall, I enjoyed listening to certain parts of this interview. It was great to listen to while doing chores around my place. I want to see my fellow cancer, Amanda WIN, and I hope that you all who have read this post have taken away some thoughts about how to look at situations in your life that seem unfair and as if no one is in your corner. I will be touching on these topics more in upcoming videos because many of us may need reminders of how to deal with our emotions in these scenarios.
Great news! I’ve recently started a YouTube channel! Here’s the link to the video about this post. Watch and subscribe for more content and in-depth breakdowns of future topics!
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